Waiting Till That Day

So there is something I have been wanting to put into writing for a long time. About a year or so ago I made a commitment to God that I would not kiss another guy until my wedding day, and to not say I love you until I know it is the person I know God has for me to marry. I know it is one of those crazy even "radical"  sounding commitments. I have had lots of support in my commitment, but also lots of discouragement and lots of sneering from people. Some people think I am just trying to be this perfect Christian girl and that I am just so pure and have never done anything wrong so they either put me on this "pedestal" or they look down on me, because they don't have the same convictions. I want to clear the air as to why I did this.

I am a very emotional and physical being by nature. I thrive on hugs and being encouraged. When I have dated I love all the handholding, sweet kisses, being told sweet things, being told "I love you",and spending time with my sweetheart. Unfortunately over the years I have given away more and more of my heart than I would like to admit. I have only dated a few guys, but I put my whole self into every one of those relationships without guarding my precious heart. Finally one day God really got a hold of my heart.

I realized why all these sweet things I loved and thrived on so much in my relationships were all good, but ONLY when the timing was right, and this timing is when I am married someday. I had found an old note a lady at my church had given me a year or so before and reread it with new eyes.

(on the front where it was folded)

God gives the best to those who leave the choice with him.

(on the inside)

Ellen,

You are God's beautiful precious rosebud. You were created to be a helpmate to one very lucky man- His precious rose. Don't give your petals away- He is worth waiting for. I remember vividly my struggles.

See you tuesday,

You are in my prayers,

T. B.

live with no regrets so that God can bless you even more abundantly beyond what you could ask or think.

Are you being faithful to your husband now?


 At that moment after reading that God gave me a choice to protect my heart and protect my previous commitment of staying pure till I got married, or keep living the way I was and end up with a tattered heart and a broken commitment. It really hit me hard. I had always wanted to give my husband everything, my whole heart and whole self. I wanted to look him in the eye and say "I have been faithful to you all the days of my life"( like it says in Proverbs 31:12 "She brings him good, not harm ALL the days of her life.").  Unfortunately at this point I was headed down a path that would not be so. I decided to make the hard choice and abstain from kissing until my wedding day, and not tell any other man that I love him until I know that he is the man God had for me.

I wish I could say I haven't struggled and its been easy but it hasn't. It has been really hard, but I have made it and will continue to only by the grace of God. He renews my mind, body and spirit everyday. Resting and abiding in him and his word is the only way I can have success.

I also want you to know it is ok if God has not given you the same conviction. It doesn't make you less "holy" , or dirty or anything like that. It doesn't mean I am better than you or have it all together. I don't. God gives us all convictions to abstain from certain things for a time or forever. Just because a fellow Christian feels God wanting them to do something doesn't mean you have to too. Paul states in Romans 14:5-12: "One person considers one day more sacred than another; another considers every day alike. Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind. Whoever regards one day as special does so to the Lord. Whoever eats meat does so to the Lord, for they give thanks to God; and whoever abstains does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God. For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone.  If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living.You, then, why do you judge your brother or sister? Or why do you treat them with contempt? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat. It is written:“‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord,‘every knee will bow before me; every tongue will acknowledge God.’”So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God."

What does this mean? Well in context of the scripture different Christians in Paul's time were going around and judging one another, because some Christians did not want to eat the meat from the market place that had come from idol sacrifices and some felt that it was no big deal and was just meat. Similarly, some made no distinction between more and less sacred days, regarding every day as “holy to the Lord;” others felt that some days were holier than others.  Neither were wrong, because both were doing what they did to honor God. God has called each of us to certain convictions that not every Christian is going to do the same as another and that is OK. Whatever it is though be cautious and make sure you are doing it to honor God and God alone!!! In whatever you do Live your life for God for our lives are not our own.


Blessings :D

Wherever He Leads I'll Go

God has done a lot in me in the last few months! One of the biggest changes is following God's tugging on my heart to change  my major to Elementary Education. I am so incredibly excited about this new journey he has me on. I am also so incredibly blessed to have so many people supporting me with changing my major and being so encouraging to me about it. I was so afraid at first that people would just think I couldn't cut it as a music major. It wasn't that I couldn't cut it, but that it just wasn't for me.

It all started back in January when I took the Sophomore barrier for music. I ended up failing it the first time. It was heart wrenching. I was so devastated, because I had been working so incredibly hard to pass the test to continue being a music major. It was at that point in the midst of all the turmoil I really felt God tugging on my heart that he had something better planned for me. I was too quick to listen to everyone around me saying that I was just overreacting instead of listening to God's quiet still voice. I started to believe them when I took the test again a week later and passed with flying colors, but I started to think other options. I had heard friends talk about music therapy and it really intrigued me. I have in the last couple of years developed such a passionate love for people with special needs, especially kiddos. So in my mind combining both music and my love for kids with special needs was exactly what I should do. I even said and made myself believe it was what God was leading me to do. I was so excited I began telling everyone about it. So I went on with my semester thinking I would finish school and then go on to get a second degree/masters in Music Therapy.

Also starting in January I developed a super weird sore throat and high fever(I never run a fever) the day before I left to go back to school to take the Sophomore barrier. I went to the doctor and they just said it was nothing more than allergies, or so they thought. As the semester went on I just got sicker and sicker. I was always tired no matter how much I slept, I kept getting migraines and getting super sick to my stomach(sometimes getting sick),  frequently. The symptoms I was developing I thought pointed to having a gluten allergy. My dad has that so I just figured I probably did too. Finally after just getting sicker and sicker my friends and family finally convinced me to go to the doctor. I went to the doctor and told him what had been going on since January and he sent me to get a blood test. I was sooo scared because I had no idea what it was that he was looking for. I found out a few days later that it was mono. I was so shocked, but relieved to know what it was. That same week I also developed more symptoms of mono. I asked my doctor why it took so long for it to appear and he told me that sometimes it takes up to 12 weeks for the  symptoms to all appear. I really wish I would have found out earlier so maybe I could have been able to begin recovery sooner.

I found out about the mono just 2 weeks before school was done. If I could go back I would have just gotten work from my professors, delayed my voice proficiency, took my finals while sleeping as much as possible. Unfortunately I just pushed through the last few weeks and it almost killed me. I failed my proficiency, had rumors spread about me that I really didn't have mono, and even had to hear from 2 of my professors that they were not sure if I should continue as a music major. That all just devastated me. I was so broken, so tired of the hurt and junk I had been dealing with for the past two years. I just knew there had to be something much better for me then this. I got home to Amarillo and just poured out my heart to my mom. I told her about everything and my heart for wanting to teach kiddos.

I started praying really hard about where to go from here. Should I pursue music education or go on to Elementary Education. God just started really putting the youngins on my heart. Every day the tugging to change got stronger till finally I surrendered. I told God I would go on to do Elementary Education. I just felt such an incredible peace over me. I hadn't felt that peace since when God led me to UMHB. At that moment I knew I was following God again and not my own plans. It was so amazing. He has blessed me so much since then and I am excited to see where he leads me next. My plans are not my own they are his!!! Wherever he leads me I will go!!


"Take up thy cross and follow Me," I heard my Master say;
"I gave My life to ransom thee, Surrender your all today."
Wherever He leads I'll go, Wherever He leads I'll go,
I'll follow my Christ who loves me so, Wherever He leads I'll go.

He drew me closer to His side, I sought His will to know,
And in that will I now abide, Wherever He leads I'll go.
Wherever He leads I'll go, Wherever He leads I'll go,
I'll follow my Christ who loves me so, Wherever He leads I'll go.

It may be thru' the shadows dim, Or o'er the stormy sea,
I take my cross and follow Him, Wherever He leadeth me.
Wherever He leads I'll go, Wherever He leads I'll go,
I'll follow my Christ who loves me so, Wherever He leads I'll go.

My heart, my life, my all I bring To Christ who loves me so;
he is my Master, Lord, and King, Wherever He leads I'll go.
Wherever He leads I'll go, Wherever He leads I'll go,
I'll follow my Christ who loves me so, Wherever He leads I'll go.

-Wherever He Leads I'll Go by Baylus Benjamin McKinney

Don't Give Up

"That moment you are done,

That moment you are so worn out you just can’t go on,

That moment you don’t want to finish the race,

The end seems so near yet so far,

You wanna just take the easy route and quit,

But that isn’t the way to go,

Finishing the race is worth it,

Though it may be hard to finish the race,

Finish the race so that you may succeed,

Finishing first doesn’t matter,

Don’t cheat,

Don’t take shortcuts,

Take things as they come,

Enjoy the moments,

Even the smallest littlest things,

In the end when you finish,

You will know you have finished,

Doing your best,

But more importantly look back,

Look back on those memories you made,

The memories no matter how small,

They helped shape you and make who you are,

They helped you finish the race,

They are what makes it worth it to Finish,

So don’t give up,

Finish the race."

-By me (Ellen Logan)-

I wrote this tonight as I was freaking out about my laundry list of homework left yet to do. Midterms, midterm jury, tests, recitals, music, music, class, practice, observations to do this week. I felt like I was drowning. Then I remembered. This is just the things that will make me become the music teacher I so desire to be. To become the woman God has created me to be. Though the going gets tough. I will persevere for Christ gives me strength!(Philippians 4:13) I pray that I can remember that the ultimate reason  I do what I do is for God and not myself. He is the ultimate reason to "finish the race". For me that race is college right now. What is that race for you? I pray that you finish your race and hold on to the fact that God will give you the strength to finish it and that he is your ultimate reason for finishing. God Bless.