He Created My Inmost Being

  Lately I have been reading the book "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan as part of my quiet time. Today I was reading about just how amazing it is that God KNEW us before we were even created! How crazy is that?!! Yeah, Yeah I know, I know you have probably heard that a zillion times before but just read these next few verses and let them really sink in.

"The word of the Lord came to me, saying,“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” -Jeremiah 1:4-5-

Go formed us!! He Knew us!! And appointed each of us to do something before we were even born!! It is so mindblowing to really just let that sink in. I love the way Francis Chan puts it:

         "My  existence was not random,nor was it an accident. God knew who He was          creating. and He designed me for a specific work." -Francis Chan-

 It such a great reminder that we are indeed made for a purpose and God did not make any sort of mistake when making us! That is such a sweet reason to just celebrate! Then I read on in Jeremiah 1 and was just reminded of the fact we should not be afraid of failure!

“Alas, Sovereign Lord,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am too young.” But the Lord said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am too young.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you.  Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the Lord. Then the Lord reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, “I have put my words in your mouth. See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant.” -Jeremiah 1:6-10-

Francis Chan describes when Jeremiah comes to God with such hesitation of fear:

       "God of the galaxies- reaches out and touches his mouth. It's a gentle and affectionate gesture, something a loving parent would do."

Its such a great reminder that God will equip us with what we need, and we should not fear failure. And even if we "fail" in our eyes it may not be failure, but just part of God's beautiful plan for our life. I   am so overwhelmed with just the fact God loves me enough to  have a plan for my life and that he has had it since before I was formed! It is so beautiful. Being reminded not to be afraid of failure is also so beautiful because everything that happens is for a purpose, and everything that happens is just one step towards God's beautiful plan for our life! God is soooo good! So glad he chose to save me and love me even though I do not deserve one ounce of it! So blessed!! Friend he chose you too:) He knew you before you were born, he created you, he loves you, and he will always equip and guide you! Blessings!

 

It is Well With My Soul

 "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."-Psalm 34:18-
"May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant."-Psalm 119:76-
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." -Matthew 5:4-

Ever since hearing about the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary school in Newtown Ct this morning I have been in a daze. I went on through my day almost as if nothing had happened in hopes to keep the kids that I watch from being afraid. All day though all I could think about was all of the kids at the elementary school I worked at this semester, the kids I babysit and just all the kiddos I know. I couldn't imagine how I would feel if it were one of them. I also kept thinking of all of my teacher friends and especially my mom. Today really shook me. I haven't been able to wrap my head around why someone would go in and kill so many children... 20 kids dead... 20 kiddos who will never grow up and see their dreams come true.....20 kids who will never graduate.....never go to college... never have a job... never get married....never have their own family....  20 families who just this morning had to say goodbye for the last time.... 6 other families as well.... 26 people murdered for an unkown reason.... In cold blood... They will not be forgotten.

As I pondered all of this today I got so angry with God. I couldn't understand how he could let so many innocent children just die like that. It broke my heart.  Then I was reminded of one of my favorite hymns and the story behind it. "It is Well With My Soul". After already having grieved over the loss of his 4 year old son to scarlet fever and the loss of a huge fortune in the great Chicago fire in 1871 in  1873, Spafford scheduled a boat trip to Europe in order to give his wife and daughters a much needed vacation and time to recover from the tragedy. He also went to join Moody and Sankey on an evangelistic campaign in England. Spafford sent his wife and daughters ahead of him while he remained in Chicago to take care of some unexpected last minute business. Several days later he received notice that his family's ship had encountered a collision. All four of his daughters drowned; only his wife had survived.With a heavy heart, Spafford boarded a boat that would take him to his grieving Anna in England. It was on this trip that he penned those now famous words as he passed the place where his daughters had drowned, When sorrow like sea billows roll; it is well, it is well with my soul..

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.
 When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul. 

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul! 

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul. 

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul. 

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

In this sad time for so many we must remember God is in control. He is still mighty and good. He has not abandoned anyone. He still loves. I am also just reminded of the great need for God in this broken world. Especially here in our own backyard. We sometimes think so far to outer edges of the earth spreading His name that we forget about the good ol' USA. We need to live our lives missionally everywhere we are so that we can bring light into this dark world.

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven." -Matthew 5:14-16-

"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name!Bless the Lord, O my soul,
 and forget not all his benefits,who forgives all your iniquity,who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. The Lord works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed. -Psalm 103:1-6-

Waiting Till That Day

So there is something I have been wanting to put into writing for a long time. About a year or so ago I made a commitment to God that I would not kiss another guy until my wedding day, and to not say I love you until I know it is the person I know God has for me to marry. I know it is one of those crazy even "radical"  sounding commitments. I have had lots of support in my commitment, but also lots of discouragement and lots of sneering from people. Some people think I am just trying to be this perfect Christian girl and that I am just so pure and have never done anything wrong so they either put me on this "pedestal" or they look down on me, because they don't have the same convictions. I want to clear the air as to why I did this.

I am a very emotional and physical being by nature. I thrive on hugs and being encouraged. When I have dated I love all the handholding, sweet kisses, being told sweet things, being told "I love you",and spending time with my sweetheart. Unfortunately over the years I have given away more and more of my heart than I would like to admit. I have only dated a few guys, but I put my whole self into every one of those relationships without guarding my precious heart. Finally one day God really got a hold of my heart.

I realized why all these sweet things I loved and thrived on so much in my relationships were all good, but ONLY when the timing was right, and this timing is when I am married someday. I had found an old note a lady at my church had given me a year or so before and reread it with new eyes.

(on the front where it was folded)

God gives the best to those who leave the choice with him.

(on the inside)

Ellen,

You are God's beautiful precious rosebud. You were created to be a helpmate to one very lucky man- His precious rose. Don't give your petals away- He is worth waiting for. I remember vividly my struggles.

See you tuesday,

You are in my prayers,

T. B.

live with no regrets so that God can bless you even more abundantly beyond what you could ask or think.

Are you being faithful to your husband now?


 At that moment after reading that God gave me a choice to protect my heart and protect my previous commitment of staying pure till I got married, or keep living the way I was and end up with a tattered heart and a broken commitment. It really hit me hard. I had always wanted to give my husband everything, my whole heart and whole self. I wanted to look him in the eye and say "I have been faithful to you all the days of my life"( like it says in Proverbs 31:12 "She brings him good, not harm ALL the days of her life.").  Unfortunately at this point I was headed down a path that would not be so. I decided to make the hard choice and abstain from kissing until my wedding day, and not tell any other man that I love him until I know that he is the man God had for me.

I wish I could say I haven't struggled and its been easy but it hasn't. It has been really hard, but I have made it and will continue to only by the grace of God. He renews my mind, body and spirit everyday. Resting and abiding in him and his word is the only way I can have success.

I also want you to know it is ok if God has not given you the same conviction. It doesn't make you less "holy" , or dirty or anything like that. It doesn't mean I am better than you or have it all together. I don't. God gives us all convictions to abstain from certain things for a time or forever. Just because a fellow Christian feels God wanting them to do something doesn't mean you have to too. Paul states in Romans 14:5-12: "One person considers one day more sacred than another; another considers every day alike. Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind. Whoever regards one day as special does so to the Lord. Whoever eats meat does so to the Lord, for they give thanks to God; and whoever abstains does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God. For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone.  If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living.You, then, why do you judge your brother or sister? Or why do you treat them with contempt? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat. It is written:“‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord,‘every knee will bow before me; every tongue will acknowledge God.’”So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God."

What does this mean? Well in context of the scripture different Christians in Paul's time were going around and judging one another, because some Christians did not want to eat the meat from the market place that had come from idol sacrifices and some felt that it was no big deal and was just meat. Similarly, some made no distinction between more and less sacred days, regarding every day as “holy to the Lord;” others felt that some days were holier than others.  Neither were wrong, because both were doing what they did to honor God. God has called each of us to certain convictions that not every Christian is going to do the same as another and that is OK. Whatever it is though be cautious and make sure you are doing it to honor God and God alone!!! In whatever you do Live your life for God for our lives are not our own.


Blessings :D

Wherever He Leads I'll Go

God has done a lot in me in the last few months! One of the biggest changes is following God's tugging on my heart to change  my major to Elementary Education. I am so incredibly excited about this new journey he has me on. I am also so incredibly blessed to have so many people supporting me with changing my major and being so encouraging to me about it. I was so afraid at first that people would just think I couldn't cut it as a music major. It wasn't that I couldn't cut it, but that it just wasn't for me.

It all started back in January when I took the Sophomore barrier for music. I ended up failing it the first time. It was heart wrenching. I was so devastated, because I had been working so incredibly hard to pass the test to continue being a music major. It was at that point in the midst of all the turmoil I really felt God tugging on my heart that he had something better planned for me. I was too quick to listen to everyone around me saying that I was just overreacting instead of listening to God's quiet still voice. I started to believe them when I took the test again a week later and passed with flying colors, but I started to think other options. I had heard friends talk about music therapy and it really intrigued me. I have in the last couple of years developed such a passionate love for people with special needs, especially kiddos. So in my mind combining both music and my love for kids with special needs was exactly what I should do. I even said and made myself believe it was what God was leading me to do. I was so excited I began telling everyone about it. So I went on with my semester thinking I would finish school and then go on to get a second degree/masters in Music Therapy.

Also starting in January I developed a super weird sore throat and high fever(I never run a fever) the day before I left to go back to school to take the Sophomore barrier. I went to the doctor and they just said it was nothing more than allergies, or so they thought. As the semester went on I just got sicker and sicker. I was always tired no matter how much I slept, I kept getting migraines and getting super sick to my stomach(sometimes getting sick),  frequently. The symptoms I was developing I thought pointed to having a gluten allergy. My dad has that so I just figured I probably did too. Finally after just getting sicker and sicker my friends and family finally convinced me to go to the doctor. I went to the doctor and told him what had been going on since January and he sent me to get a blood test. I was sooo scared because I had no idea what it was that he was looking for. I found out a few days later that it was mono. I was so shocked, but relieved to know what it was. That same week I also developed more symptoms of mono. I asked my doctor why it took so long for it to appear and he told me that sometimes it takes up to 12 weeks for the  symptoms to all appear. I really wish I would have found out earlier so maybe I could have been able to begin recovery sooner.

I found out about the mono just 2 weeks before school was done. If I could go back I would have just gotten work from my professors, delayed my voice proficiency, took my finals while sleeping as much as possible. Unfortunately I just pushed through the last few weeks and it almost killed me. I failed my proficiency, had rumors spread about me that I really didn't have mono, and even had to hear from 2 of my professors that they were not sure if I should continue as a music major. That all just devastated me. I was so broken, so tired of the hurt and junk I had been dealing with for the past two years. I just knew there had to be something much better for me then this. I got home to Amarillo and just poured out my heart to my mom. I told her about everything and my heart for wanting to teach kiddos.

I started praying really hard about where to go from here. Should I pursue music education or go on to Elementary Education. God just started really putting the youngins on my heart. Every day the tugging to change got stronger till finally I surrendered. I told God I would go on to do Elementary Education. I just felt such an incredible peace over me. I hadn't felt that peace since when God led me to UMHB. At that moment I knew I was following God again and not my own plans. It was so amazing. He has blessed me so much since then and I am excited to see where he leads me next. My plans are not my own they are his!!! Wherever he leads me I will go!!


"Take up thy cross and follow Me," I heard my Master say;
"I gave My life to ransom thee, Surrender your all today."
Wherever He leads I'll go, Wherever He leads I'll go,
I'll follow my Christ who loves me so, Wherever He leads I'll go.

He drew me closer to His side, I sought His will to know,
And in that will I now abide, Wherever He leads I'll go.
Wherever He leads I'll go, Wherever He leads I'll go,
I'll follow my Christ who loves me so, Wherever He leads I'll go.

It may be thru' the shadows dim, Or o'er the stormy sea,
I take my cross and follow Him, Wherever He leadeth me.
Wherever He leads I'll go, Wherever He leads I'll go,
I'll follow my Christ who loves me so, Wherever He leads I'll go.

My heart, my life, my all I bring To Christ who loves me so;
he is my Master, Lord, and King, Wherever He leads I'll go.
Wherever He leads I'll go, Wherever He leads I'll go,
I'll follow my Christ who loves me so, Wherever He leads I'll go.

-Wherever He Leads I'll Go by Baylus Benjamin McKinney

Don't Give Up

"That moment you are done,

That moment you are so worn out you just can’t go on,

That moment you don’t want to finish the race,

The end seems so near yet so far,

You wanna just take the easy route and quit,

But that isn’t the way to go,

Finishing the race is worth it,

Though it may be hard to finish the race,

Finish the race so that you may succeed,

Finishing first doesn’t matter,

Don’t cheat,

Don’t take shortcuts,

Take things as they come,

Enjoy the moments,

Even the smallest littlest things,

In the end when you finish,

You will know you have finished,

Doing your best,

But more importantly look back,

Look back on those memories you made,

The memories no matter how small,

They helped shape you and make who you are,

They helped you finish the race,

They are what makes it worth it to Finish,

So don’t give up,

Finish the race."

-By me (Ellen Logan)-

I wrote this tonight as I was freaking out about my laundry list of homework left yet to do. Midterms, midterm jury, tests, recitals, music, music, class, practice, observations to do this week. I felt like I was drowning. Then I remembered. This is just the things that will make me become the music teacher I so desire to be. To become the woman God has created me to be. Though the going gets tough. I will persevere for Christ gives me strength!(Philippians 4:13) I pray that I can remember that the ultimate reason  I do what I do is for God and not myself. He is the ultimate reason to "finish the race". For me that race is college right now. What is that race for you? I pray that you finish your race and hold on to the fact that God will give you the strength to finish it and that he is your ultimate reason for finishing. God Bless.

Captivating

For so long God has been trying to show me exactly how incredibly captivating I am to him. God has really been pursuing my heart like crazy. But I have been too stubborn to let him take control of it. I have been to preoccupied with trying to be so put together and so godly to try and get a certain guy to like me. When that is not what is important in the least bit. What is important is that my heart belongs to Jesus my true bridegroom!

 He is amazing and has done some awesome things in my life in the past 8 months that I will never forget. One that still makes me all giddy inside happened back this past spring. I had been having such a stressful time with school and trying to lose weight and so many things were just weighing heavy upon my shoulders. I was downstairs in my dorm at the time watching a movie with some of the girls. My roommate just  happened to be gone that weekend. Well after having some fun girl time I went upstairs to my dorm room and put on some worship music. The next hour would change some things within me forever. One of my favorite songs came on called "You won't relent" came on and following that came "Your love Never fails".

You Won't Relent
You won't relent
Until You have it all
My heart is Yours
I'll set You as a seal upon my heart
As a seal upon my arm
For there is love that is as strong as death
Jealousy demanding as the grave
And many waters cannot quench this love
Come be the fire inside of me
Come be the flame upon my heart
Come be the fire inside of me
Until You and I are one
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XC0WoJfYA2E


Your Love Never Fails
Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails
I know I still make mistakes
But You have new mercies for me everyday
Your love never fails
Chorus:
You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning
And when the oceans rage
I don't have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails
Verse 2:
The wind is strong and the water's deep
But I'm not alone in these open seas
Cause Your love never fails
The chasm is far too wide
I never thought I'd reach the other side
But Your love never fails

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_2qG22SPwU

As these songs were playing I just fell on my face and wept. I prayed out to God and asked him to help me just with all the burdens I had put upon myself. And then I felt just this instant peace and I stood up and began to sing the words and dance around my room. As I was just praising God and just reveling in the joy I felt I heard God speak to me. He told me "Daughter you can always find this joy let me take control. Rest in this my daughter and let me take the reigns." I smiled and gave God my all. Then the song "O happy day" came on.

O Happy Day

Verse 1 :

Greatest day in history

Death is beaten

You have rescued me

Sing it out Jesus is alive !

The empty cross, the empty grave

life eternal

You have won the day

Shout it out Jesus is alive !

He is alive !

Chorus :

Oh happy day, happy day !

You wash my sin away !

Oh happy day, happy day !

I'll never be the same

Forever I am changed !

Verse 2 :

When I stand in that place

Free at last

Meeting face to face

I am yours Jesus you are mine.

 Endless joy, perfect peace

Earthly pain finally will cease

Celebrate Jesus is alive !

He is alive !

 Chorus :

Oh happy day, happy day !

You wash my sin away !

Oh happy day, happy day !

I'll never be the same

 Oh happy day, happy day !

You wash my sin away !

Oh happy day, happy day !

I'll never be the same

Forever I am changed !

Bridge :

Oh what a glorious day !

what a glorious way

that you have save me !

Oh what a glorious day !

what a glorious name

Jesus !

Chorus :

Oh happy day, happy day !

You wash my sin away !

Oh happy day, happy day !

I'll never be the same

No no no no

Forever I am changed

by your blood, by your grace Oh God !

Forever I am changed !

Bridge :

Oh what a glorious day !

what a glorious way

that you have save me !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZjVmGPWuvw

As the song played I continued to just dance and praise my savior for all he had done for him. It was such an incredible moment in my relationship with God that I will treasure always. When God has control of my life I always have the most joy and I pray I will continue to remember this so that I will continue to give him control and just rest in his peace and assurance he gives me, and the joy he fills my soul with.

     

New School Year :D

So it is now a new school year and I am now living in an apartment with three of my best friends! I have been super busy lately moving in and trying to get in the swing of things with school. This year is going to be my hardest year, because of all of the things I have to do as a sophomore  music major, but I am up for the challenge!! Well here are some pics of my apartment :)  enjoy :)